


How To Care For Your Local Hair Ball

by Forest_Awakens



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cultural messups and their not so bad repercussions, Four being related to Wind, Hair Four, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Links as a Family, barely edited like the god i am, bunch of oneshots, found family is my jam, i have no idea anymore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24168352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forest_Awakens/pseuds/Forest_Awakens
Summary: Four and his strange non hair family members.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	1. meat mecha is not waterproof

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, if you know hair Four, than you know some body horror shit goes with that. I... I got bored.   
> Hair gets heavy when wet.

Rain fell in sheets in the morning, thunder booming overhead as the miserable heroes hid beneath the canopy. It was almost impossible to hear over the torrent, any conversation shouted as more adult of the group struggled to recount their numbers.  
"Does anyone know where Four went?!" Time called in worry, squinting to the other tree that held the rest of their band  
"On a walk!" someone shouted, he guessed Twilight.  
Time cursed beneath his breath, sighing as the rain began to let up like Wild had said it would. Warriors sat next to him, shielding a freezing Wind with his scarf and tallness. As morning drifted to afternoon, everyone was getting antsy about their missing members, a few looking to each other in understanding that Warriors didn't quite get.  
Soon he volunteered to go after the missing hero, not really having much to do with the resetting up of their soggy camp.  
He walked the perimeter that was already scoped out, pleasantly surprised that for once the missing person he was looking for was actually nearby. Four laid on the stony ground, which was wet but luckily not muddy. He was soaked from the rain, hair to clothes.  
"Hey Four!" He called over, approaching and stopping next to him, using a boot to nudge his side. "You alive?"  
"Barely," Four muttered, "My insides are wet." His face was a blank mask, a hand over his eyes as Warriors snorted and began moving past to the camp nearby.  
"Man, I sure hope so," He joked, letting out a yelp as he was clocked in the back of the head by a boot. He whirled around to see Four roll over onto his stomach with an angered grumble, now missing a boot.  
"Jeez, what got you so angry?" He asked, grabbing the boot and tossing it back. It landed just next to him on the soggy ground. "Usually you hate rolling on the ground like us animals."  
Four let out a grunt and heaved himself up, standing on unsteady feet and stumbled to the side. He was caught by Warriors out of instinct.  
"Holy Hylia, you're heavy!" Warriors shouted in surprise before hauling Four over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Four didn't complain for once, letting out what would've been his argument in a puff of air and going limp in his hold. Warriors scooped up the abandoned boot as he trudged through the clearing, through the mud, and into camp.  
The fire had been started, large but tamed as it easily had tried the ground around it. Warriors let Four flop on the drier ground, sending a thumbs up in thanks. Warriors plopped down next to Wind, who looked a tad bit miserable but no worse for ware. He set the boot down next to him.  
"You okay there, sailor?" he asked, grabbing a knife from his bag to peel the mud from his heels. "You're looking a little soggy there."  
"Feeling a little soggy here," Wind muttered. "Kinda feel like shit but eh." He leaned back and looked to Four in worry. He had yet to actually move more than shift his limbs to be more splayed, hair frozen and drenched. There was something upsetting to them at that.  
"I'm sure Four can concur, looks like he feels the same."   
Legend snorted, "Yeah I'm sure. Give him a bit, he'll be out of commission until he dried out."  
Wind looked confused, uttering a confused, "huh?"  
"Oh yeah, he told me he's wet inside, forgot about that," Warriors said.  
Wind looked mildly disgruntled at that information.  
"Yeah and you're mush filled," came a muffled response as Legend flinched, slight annoyance lacing his words.  
"Er, Warriors?" Hyrule piped up. "What did you say to him? He looks angry."  
They all looked to Four, who was lying face first on the ground, hair still wet and splayed around him. Wind stood and walked over, Warriors noting a slight stumble to his step. He sat next to the other, whispering back and forth before sighing and laying down as well.  
"Um, I said i hope so to his comment as a joke?" he said with a worried chuckle at the immediate anger he was faced with from Hyrule and Legend. "Ah, I can see I have fucked up."  
Another boot got thrown at him and he glanced to Wind who mouthed a sorry and pointed to Four, now completely bootless.  
"You aren't getting these back!" he called over, sticking the boot next to the other beside him before turning back to the downfall boys. "I'm guessing I have indeed fucked up."  
Legend scoffed, "Yeah, the only reason he hasn't kicked your ass yet is because it was raining. I'd drop it if I were you."  
Warriors blinked in surprise, "Ah, culture stuff, huh?"  
"Yeah, you just insulted him. Not the worst you could do, but word of advice? Avoid him for a bit. 'specially when he dries out."  
Warriors winced now that he thought on it, "That sounds less than pleasant."  
"Shut up or I'll make sure you dry out."  
Legend sent a half hearted glare Four's way before promptly shutting up, the other Links who'd been listening turned away from their staring. Wild stood, tapping on his slate as he hurried over and crouched beside Wind and Four. He waved the slate in front of Wind, yammering on in a hushed voice until Wind poked Four with a confused face and had him listen instead.  
He craned his head up and nodded, muttering something before returning to his position on the ground. The cooking pot was placed nearby the fire and Wild soon stood before it, throwing stuff in that Warriors couldn't see.   
Somehow, without fire, something sizzled than stopped, a few more things and Wild filled two bottles before staring at its red contents to make sure it didn't separate. Chu Chu jelly, he realized, and some other stuff from the way he shook it to mix some things. Wild recrouched next to the boys, letting Four sit himself up with some difficulty and lean on Wind.   
Both downed the concoction, Wind actually drinking it with a cringing face before immediately perking up while Four just let it pour down his throat. Most of the Links flinched back in sympathy they didn't need to have.  
"Thanks Wild," Wind said, Four smiling at him instead before dropping his head in his knees. He didn't need to lean on Wind anymore but his hair was still notably wet.  
Four started taking the time to pull bits of dirt and grass that had gotten caught in his hair. Wind asked a question before moving to help with shaking but careful fingers, a tad worried but still hoping to help.  
Warriors saw Four glance to him, a small frown before turning back to a rather more annoying twig that had gotten snagged, his agitation and the few only damp strands getting tangled making it an annoying task.  
Warriors caught Legend's glare, returning it before shrinking slightly under Sky's from across the way.  
He sighed, turning and digging through his bag before turning and beginning to walk towards their local family cryptid, towels in hand. He sat at his side, earning a questioning look from both Wind and Four.  
"Wind gets the back, I get the side, you the other? It'd go faster." He said, questioning and waiting for permission like Hyrule had told him when he'd gotten the crash course a week earlier of ways to not piss of Four.  
With a thankful smile, he was allowed to begin drying the soaked ends, flinching when it flicked at him before settling against the towel, but still he continued on.   
Wind began telling them a story, gesturing wildly about a strange occurrence after his adventures about pirates and being kidnapped by other pirates and being saved by the same pirates that was honestly more convoluted than it should've been. Warriors focused on not fucking up and pulling Four's hair, whom had relaxed with a small happy smile on his face. All forgiven apparently.  
Warriors still wasn't giving those boots back.


	2. please dont poison the hairball, its rude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wild fucks up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legends a huge dick in this one, like a major asshat. Sorry but i can't write him for shit. Also, Legend curses a lot  
> Warning! Four gets accidently poisoned.

It had been Hyrule's panic that alerted Wild that something was wrong. It was a slow night, a plan to head to his house in the morning and good cheer after a rather nice dinner. Even Four had accepted some. Wild was proud at that.  
"Repeat that again. What was in it?"  
"Oh! Rice, goron spice, peppers-"  
"Wild, what kind?"  
"Uh..." he begins to worry at how intensely he's being stared at, "My slate calls them sweet peppers? I picked them up in... I think Time's Hyrule...?" he trailed off when he caught Hyrule's look of horror, suddenly turning and rushing off into the forest. The Links didn't comment on it besides a worried Legend and didn't quite understand until Hyrule came back, Four curled up in his arms and twitching.  
Time and Legend are the first ones over when he lays Four down on his bedroll, faces falling into immediate fear. Wind is next in line, questions already pouring out his mouth going unanswered as Time speaks up above him.   
"Sweet peppers," Hyrule mumbled next to Time and Legend, whose faces immediately fall from hope to dread. Wind starts panicking even more. "In the food, goron spice hid it."  
"What the fuck does that mean?!" Wind screeched, panicking until Time wrapped an arm around him.   
Legend glared right at Wild like he had any idea what he had done. "Sweet peppers are poison for buhoks."  
"Shit," Wind whispered, eyes slowly growing, hair thrashing, "Is he gonna live?"  
The older heroes didn't respond, Time's face was stone cold as he ordered the other boys to back up and as Legend began handing potions to Hyrule. His hands were already glowing pink, tentatively placed against a curled Four's back. The rest of the Links sat around, Warriors letting Wind curl into his side to watch what Hyrule was doing.   
Legend stood when Wild was about to go back to his work, grabbing his arm and dragging him aside into the next clearing.  
"What the fuck were you thinking?!" he hissed furiously. His arms shook as he grabbed them to try and conceal his panic. "Are you shitting me! Didn't we tell you to show us shit BEFORE you give it to him?! You just fucking murdered Four!"  
Wild cowered back at the full frontal fury of Legend, eyes trained on the ground.  
"Hylia, I just," He bit back a frustrated shriek, before taking in a shaking breath, "Alright, listen the fuck up. We have a chance of Four not going comatose because of Hyrule's magic. But listen the fuck up. Potatoes, tomatoes, berries, peppers. That shit? Usually kills buhoks. You give him that shit, he dies, if this stunt doesn't kill him. Got it?"  
Wild nodded furiously, mentally making a list as he pauses to think it over and Legend turns to walk away and check on how everything is going.  
"Nightshade," He mutters.  
Legend whirls around to look at him with a scrunched face, growing angrier. "What?!"  
"Nightshade. Its nightshade that’s the common thing in those... um, you know, potatoes, peppers, certain berries." He smiled tentatively for having figured it out but immediately withered at the look from Legend. "Sorry, sorry, just... thinking aloud."  
"Well keep that thinking to yourself, asshat. Maybe you won't kill one of our brothers next time."  
Wild shrunk away, curling further into himself as Legend stalked back into the clearing to check on Four. He grabbed his slate and tapped away at it, avoiding thinking on the guilt he was feeling. His hood appeared in his hands and he reentered the clearing, eyes turned to him and he couldn't tell if it was glares or simply looking at movement. But whatever it was, he probably deserved it.   
He laid the cloak over Four carefully and scrambled over to sit in the tree Four was laid under, pulling out his boy and making sure to keep an eye on the grounds around the camp. He couldn't let something sneak up on him. After all, this was his fault.  
Legend tried to get him to move away to a different tree but Wild's sometimes a stubborn bastard and just avoided his gaze, taking out a few monsters that had taken to sniffing to close.   
The first day was painful to watch. Four stayed curled into himself, back to them as the rest of the Links tried to keep as close as Time and the resident medic would let them. They didn't know if Four would freak or not and they didn't want them dealing with that. Wild had moved to sit by Four's feet, keeping the hood over the guy. Wind sat with his back almost against Four's, only moving when Hyrule felt rested enough to try healing Four again, always keeping to the same spot on his back. He wrote letter after letter to his sister, many crumbled and stuffed into his bag in annoyance. Legend sat across the clearing, sword in his lap and a scowl on his face. He'd glare at Wild from time to time, but each one held less and less anger and more worry. Wild still refused to move when Twi tried to get him to, simply handing out premade meals with a certain care. He'd rather not leave his injured brother's side.   
The rest of the Links were trying to make things better and safer. Many taking out nearby monster camps.  
Wolfie showed up a lot, chasing small rats and mice away that tried to eat at Four's unmoving self. He'd sniff at Four and whimper before rushing off into the forest after something. Twilight would appear at times to give reports of nothing in the area besides the monster camps being taken down. He claimed to be patrolling. Warriors stayed to guard camp and would write down everything he reported on a scrap of paper from Wind. They stayed in that sorry routine until the second day.  
They'd all grown used to Wind hacking up hairballs sometimes. Many taking it with a grain of salt and simply placing a comforting hand on his back. That did not make it pleasant seeing Four hack them up, making Legend and Hyrule panic more.   
As the resident buhok semi experts, their panic made everyone else freak out. Hyrule kept causing himself to pass out at random intervals from the amount of magic he was using. Legend dragged him away as soon as he gave a small grin and said Four had a better chance than most buhoks could dream of having.   
Most of the Links were scared to ask what was happening to their friend, many not wanting to freak the others out with the response. That is until Wild decided to try and figure out how to help. The guilt had begun to make him nauseous, hopefully he could make it better.   
"Hey, Hyrule? What's going on with Four? Exactly?" Hyrule was hesitant to speak to him, afraid of pissing of Legend, more than he already was. "Please, tell me, I want to help. I've poisoned myself too many times, I may be able to do something."  
Hyrule sighed, flinching when Four hacked up another hairball before he curled further into himself. He relented after a few minutes of thoughts.  
Hyrule led him a bit away, not wanting to freak out Wind or Warriors.   
"Sweet peppers, as I'm sure Legend said, is poison to buhoks, but they react differently than hyllians." He glanced over as Legend rounds to Four, trying to get his attention to talk to him. "What the main issue is, is that the... er... poison?"  
"Nightshade," Wild said, "That’s my guess."   
Hyrule nodded in thanks, "Alright than, nightshade basically paralyses the hair and after that kills the heart. It stops them from working, being able to move, feel, basic senses... that kind of stuff."  
Legend finally gets a response to a soft question, a small nod that lets Legend grab a brush from his bag and begin to work through the limp tangles that had formed from who knows where. Four seemed to uncurl slightly and Legend sent Hyrule a reassuring look.   
"From what I know, that’s not what usually kills them. Its the elements I think. Starts destroying the body, leaving the heart exposed. The hearts their soft spot basically. They're paralyzed, body rots without them being able to keep it running and disease that harms them and their heart can set in, as well as animals. And you can't change bodies with a weak heart. But... my magic kept the hair around it alive so, its a waiting game i guess."  
Wild nodded like he understood. Truth be told, he really didn't but did make note to ask Zelda what she made of it all. Maybe she could help him figure out some way to help.  
"Hair's coming up in hairballs because its the dead hair he can't recycle. That... had not been good. I mean, panicked hairballs don't move, but that’s because the body is actively harming itself to prepare to fight or flight, switching stuff around and that kind of stuff. Bit this is different. Its actually dead." He must've seen the way Wild started to shrink into himself, thoughts swarming. "But look!" he suddenly started, pointing over, "Look at what Legend's doing. If the external hair is moving and he's getting a response, he's got a shot. I mean, retaining senses? Unheard of! I think its that magic sword of his giving him strength but, that’s just me."  
Legend was grinning and Four looked like he was actually sleeping. Eyes closed and arms splayed, fingers twitching slightly each time Legend caught a snag. A few strands peaked from his mouth and a few stuck up straight until Legend coaxed them flat with a delicate nature Wild had assumed wouldn't ever have been revealed. But his hair layed flat and dead to the world, even deader than when he had been actively hiding it.  
Wild returned and noticed Wind looked disconcerned, he kept glancing at nothing and making an angry expression before schooling it to a strange sort of calm. Wild didn't understand it, but that’s alright. He took out his slate and began flipping through as boredom chewed through the guilt. He didn't want to leave, but it was still boring as hell.   
Day four had Four more responsive and Hyrule sleeping most of the day. Everyone piled around them in worry, a few setting up a tent to protect them from the light sprinkling of rain. It was disconcerning to be woken up late in the night to hear Four hacking up a hairball. But he knew it would be alright. The traveler had said so.  
The rain was growing worse and that's when he decided it may be worth it to walk to his home.  
Bringing this up was a challenge, he was afraid to upset them but the thankful look on Hyrule's face and the pensively proud look on Time's was a win in his book. It was a five hour walk if they made good time.   
They all decided to travel in the later afternoon as the rain threatening to pour would most likely pass by than. Wild kept to himself during the wait, still slightly hunched into himself as he stirred strange concoction after concoction, frowning when he got a dubious potion at best and a destructive slush at worse, trying to figure something out to help Four. He was running out of supplies, sadly.  
Hopefully Zelda was in town, she'd be able to figure it out.  
They set off though with the promise of arriving just before sunset, taking the main roads. Twilight carried Four, wrapping him in his pelt with care. Silence prevailed other than the occasional comment on ruins or to call out the location of roadside monster bandits. Each occurrence was met with curiosity or cold anger at whoever dare impede on their hope of getting their brother to safety.  
Walking through town and past other travelers was a thing that happened. Those still awake in the rapidly fading light looked at them in surprise. Four had roused into being mostly awake and was shifting ever so slightly, peeking about at their surroundings with a kind of wonder that only belonged to someone who'd thought they lost it. He didn't try and them besides making a motion to let him off to the side and hack up a hair ball. They reached his house and when they entered it, Wild insisted Four take his bed and Hyrule for the other one that belonged to Zelda.   
He took out his slate and glanced to Wind, worrying he might get hurt to. A quick questioning revealed that Wind fucking adored peppers and was worried that with how much they affected Four, how much they'd hurt his sister.   
But that led into a totally different rabbit hole of Wind panicking over his sister's safety and Time leading him off to distract him and Four with stories.   
Everyone settled into a pile by the bed with meals of fruits he knew to be safe for them. A few actually climbed on the bed, Sky holding Four like he'd just found his own child. This was met with a few laughs and a slightly sour look but was welcomed all the same. But the night wore on and everyone was a tad bit more comforted, still being awoken by hairballs and Sky's quiet but reassuring voice.  
Day five had Four, funnily enough, feeling a lot better and restless and bored as a demon in hell. Turns out lying around and freaking out for four days meant you want nothing more than to go on an adventure. Time had taken charge when Four tried to sneak off like he usually does and enforced Hyrule’s rule of him staying and resting all day, citing that he'd be a lot more hollow than what they were allowing.  
Wild stayed out of the house, not wanting to face Four and scavenging for food that he was sure wouldn't hurt his brothers.   
The shops held many things he knew were safe. Truffles were assuredly fungus and not nightshade, mushrooms were energizing and would probably lead to way to many shenanigans but that’s dine. He even dared to grab a few bomb arrows because he knew Four enjoyed explosives for some odd reason. Milk was bought as a safety, it always soothed his throat and he may have forgotten Four was hair for a bit. Worse comes to worse he can give it to Time.  
Zelda, he learned after visiting the research lab, would return soon. He hoped Four would be okay by than. Zelda would probably figure out some wacky shit to ask and throw him for a loop. Hylia knows he needs full energy for that.   
He decided it was time to head home when the sun signaled it was past lunch. If anything he wants to try and make something to help Four get stronger after this, even if he couldn't stop the toxins from damaging him.  
Legend grabbed his arm when they passed on the path by a group of colorful houses, pulling him to the side. His eyes were down turned, ears lowered slightly as he crossed his arms. Suddenly he looked up Wild after a moment of thinking.  
"I'm sorry," he sighed. Wild blinked in surprise. "I'm sorry for shouting at you I just... I've lost friends to fuck ups simpler than that. I know you didn't mean to but..."  
"I shouldn't been more careful, huh?"  
Legend scoffed and waved him off. "Eh. I understand, don't sell it. We should've talked to you about that but I guess both me and Hyrule forgot whats common knowledge. Don't beat yourself up or I'll do it for you. But... be careful around Four, alright?"  
"Um... Waddya mean?"  
"I... I don't know how Four's gonna take this whole thing. Hell, even just giving someone a potato is already telling them to go die so... Just be careful alright? Four's a tough cookie and can kick our collective kneecaps backwards."  
Legend walked past him, knocking into his shoulder reassuringly as he went and sent a grin his way. Hopeful, trusting.  
He walked across the bridge, a familiar notion with a sense of peace washing over him before guilt gnawed at his bones for letting himself feel such a thing. The sight of Sky bear hugging Four's legs as he was halfway up the tree in his side yard and screeching like a banshee.   
Wind was staring in utter confusion as Hyrule was shouting as well. Wild has, in his professional opinion, seen this many times, knowing it as Four has had enough coddling and wanted to be free.  
Wild sighed and walked over as Wind took initiative to scale the tree. He pulled Four's arms off perhaps a tad to easily, who fell into the panicking arm's of Warriors. They all entered the house and forced him to lay in the bed. Wild approached and wasn't surprised when he was met with a strange look from Four, but still he sent a whispered sorry and placed the slate into the boy's hands. The compendium was open.   
He'd known Four had an interest in the thing, curious over many things he could find out about the Hyrule he was in. Wild just hoped that he didn't notice the entry for buhok had a hair pun and a picture of Four in the process of falling out a tree.   
He rushed out and up to the research lab, not seeing the wide grin on Four's face and the childish excitement he was exuding.  
Wild would find his slate on the table later, Four unconscious upstairs. Zelda had arrived at some point, questioning the Links about buhoks. They were equally fascinated by this version of the princesses they all knew but weren't prepared for the sheer amount of questions she was asking. Wild left them for dead and joined Legend in sitting against the small horse stable. His own horse, Brick, watching them with a curiosity.  
He flipped through the slate, blinking in surprise at the new item added. He clicked and hummed in curiosity, bringing the interest of Legend to him. The note was hand added but he didn't bother to read it yet.   
He clicked it and appeared in his hand was a small blue glass bead, delicate and shining. Legend had a smile grow on his face when he noticed Wild's confusion.  
"He could tell you were worried. Means loyalty, blue gifts are meant to calm someone. He doesn't blame you, dude. Talked to him earlier."  
Wild looked at the bead and smiled slightly. "Man this would be great if I knew how to do my fucking hair."  
He was met with laughter, "I can't believe y'all don't realize how ecstatic he'd be to do your hair. Gives him a heart attack with how utterly fucked your rats nest is."  
Wild pushed him over as he laughed and smiled happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This went on a lot longer than i excpected to be it tbh, i... huh. This was supposed to be wholesome. What the fuck happened? I can't tell you.  
> I forgot about the begining of this and literally screamed when i remembered i forgot the entire beginingn to the chapter and had to write that. Half this was written during buhok culture discussions, half was written during an Academic Octathalon competition. Blame our topic this year for my attempt at figuring out how toxins would affect buhoks because that got me stuck for a bit. You can thank everyone but me having a nightshade alergy in my family for actually inspiring my research into what the fuck nightshade does. It didn't help that much, beside nerve stuff. so like... alright than it didn't help at all but whatever.  
> Thank y'all so much for your kind comments <3 I love all y'all and hope y'all have a dandy day!
> 
> -Cherry

**Author's Note:**

> I barely edited this, I'm so sorry.  
> I hope y'all have a fine and dandy day!  
> -Cherry


End file.
